Written Upside Down

After months of not buying any games, or really playing any either, im actually enjoying the fact that I can't wait for the next couple of releases I like. Mainly for this friday, when hopefully I will arrive home to a lovely copy of Fable 2 on my doorstep. I played the first one to absolute death and over the past few days I decided to check out a few videos of some of the stuff to do and whats accesible in number 2. After doing this I now can't wait. It looks like its gunna be alot of fun to play and i can imagine my social life (or what there is of it) is going to wilter and die for a few days if not more. Im actually excited.
Plus then theres Gears 2 which is still a little while off but still looks pretty good. Im hoping it will get me back into playing with friends every so often again, since that was alot of fun. Also Fallout 3 looks sweet, its the one i know the least about but ive seen some clips and it does look like it would be fun to play. I like the openess of it, as with Fable 2.

Today I visited my grandad up at the new home he moved too. It's the first time ive had a chance to go up there. My family go up alot but they always have picked days when im either working or at college so obviously I was pretty happy that ive finally had the chance to see him. When i got there it was pretty uncomfortable, he's not the same person anymore at all. Most of the traces of him are gone now, he can't really remember much at all & you hardly hear him speak unless its just noises accompanied with hand gestures. I always feel really awkward in situations like that, when everyone else does the whole repeating questions thing and trying to get answers for them. I definitly enjoyed seeing him, I wanted to make to sure i did and im going to make sure i go more often, but it was really hard. I hate seeing him get worse and its just the truth that he can only get ever more so. I miss him alot just when i don't see him every so often.

Its almost half-term now. Im gunna spend alot of it doing work by the sounds of it but im still looking forward to the break. It'll be nice to relax for abit and just enjoy a few things.

I need some food.

Concentrated Yeast Paste.

Well basically I think I did everything this weekend that I have previously said that I thought was stupid. I went to a friends 17th birthday party on saturday night, which i did alot of things at that I shoudn't have, can't remember and just regret happening. I pretty much lost control and made quite a few mistakes along the way there. The way im looking at it now though, is that all of it is experience, I mean i woudn't know not to do certain things if I havn't felt and seen the effects of the actions. So yeah, it was a pretty interesting weekend for me. Alot more interesting then my usual sit at home and do nothing weekends.

College is going alright at the moment. Im slowly getting into working abit more, at home & at college. Its always been a problem of mine that I will quite happily sit around and absolutely nothing when I know full well that theres about 1939239249 thing I could be doing that would be a more useful way of spending my time. Its not even just work either, I could spend alot of my time keeping up/getting back into drawing and its one thing that this week im going to try and do. I could even try picking up my guitar again, just to try it out again, nothing too hard or complicated.

Ive also been listening to alot more music at the moment. I guess partially because i always feel like i have too when ive got last.fm running in the background. Althought ive had it set not to scrobble for awhile actually. I finally got round to listening to Joy Division. There not that bad to be honest, i knew they woudn't be able to live up to the reputation they have in my head. Just because there not really my usual sort of thing, it turns out they are a good band though. Now I just want to finish off the book im reading for english so I can try out the book Written by Ian Curtis's wife.

right theres graphics work to do.

Clarity.

Everything feels different again. I hate the fact that I seem to think that things change and re-shape around me pretty much all the time. I don't know what it is but I always get the sense that after something has happened, slowly stuff changes to fit in with the new. It's pretty shit really, constantly adapting for every little thing that alters.

Currently im trying to push forward with my work, im letting everything fall backwards and im just being generally too lazy and relaxed right now. I need to make sure i keep up. It all seems very boring, probably more so by anyone who notices it rather than myself. I kind of enjoy it really, sitting down and doing something, then feeling like ive made an effort with it is quite rewarding. I also quite enjoy the peace as well sometimes. I have three essays due. Two are due in at the end of this week, the other has a few weeks to go still. Luckily, they are all started up now, two days ago it was the opposite. I guess thinking of it as a chore wont help either, this'll sound geeky and sad no matter what way I say it but its always possible to make work and stuff seem fun. I've quite enjoyed the things ive done so far.

I dont fully know how I feel right now. It's a bit of a mixture really.

sorry if ive seemed short recently. I guess sometimes what I think through & keep inside is only reflected in what I do and say outside. I do need a break from stuff now and then though.

Opposites attract.

Today ive learnt something new.

So starting from the early hours of thursday I think it was, everything went pretty shit. I felt ill, threw up, broke up with the 'amazing' girl from my last post, got angry at everyone and had a shit day. Then this morning again it was no better, everything I was being told was making everything more and more shit. But what's so odd about it all is that through all of the stuff ive just said, I right at this very moment feel better than i have in a long time. You know when you just feel completely relieved of something and it feels awesome. I mean don't take this is in a horrible bitter way, I don't mean it like 'hey to feel good i have to see good things turn to shit' but like it feels like ive actually moved forward more by finding out and dealing with something new.

Bet everything i just said means nothing. It might not even make sense without being in my own head.
Thank you for reading, you are probably absolutely lovely (miles, rob, luke)