Steamulation.

Christmas day has now been and gone and boxing day too is almost over and done with now. This year has been particuarly good, I guess just because everything has been really nice and things are going well. I spent yesterday with family for the whole day at home, just sort of sitting around eating, talking & at some points sleeping. It was really nice, just quite relaxing and not too much was trying to be done. I got some really nice gifts too, i was mainly given money so i was just expecting that but the other few things i got given were really nice. Im really into this 'Watching the Watchmen' book. I love seeing all the production sketches and being able to see how it is that the characters were developed. Rorschach used to look pretty weird. Its nice having my phone too, ive moved on from the world of bricks. Its going to take me awhile to get used to texting on it now though.

Today was good as well, if not slightly unsuccessful. I went down into town with Rob & Miles to hopefully pick up some clothes on the sales. Sadly most shops had only reduced a small amount of stock...by an even smaller amount on the price. So i got one nice pair of jeans & one cheap pair, to sort of even it all out. And a belt too. I saw some really nice shoes too but until after the weekend i can't really justify myself spending £65 on shoes. They were really nice though. [Sad Face]. It was cool going out with those guys though. Bumped into Joey quickly too, which was nice.

Time for leftovers...Leftovers that will last forever. FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

500032.

I do feel like im building up confidence recently, although it may appear quite the opposite in person. Ive sort of been getting abit of self-confidence, at times, as well as feeling like i can achieve a little more in certain things. Its been a pretty good week.

I had a really really long walk on tuesday morning. I had intended to go into palmerston road to pick up pva glue for an outfit i was making but my search had failed so i decided to just leave it, get myself a nice costa and just walk home. I then decided that i would get the biggest coffee possible and then take an extra long route home. Its the first time ive done that in a very long time, especially on my own like that and it was actually so enjoyable. The fresh air and the clearness to think was really nice. I thought about alot too. I had a really good day at college after it too. I got to spend some time after college with someone, it coudn't have been better in my mind. I really do like her.

Today was also i think the best way college could have ended. I didn't do particuarly much but im so used to leaving school and things at the end of terms feeling like things are unsolved and left untouched. It felt really good leaving today though, I guess because i know im going to see people and just because im really looking forward to this break away. I went to town with a few people and just spent it walking around looking in various shops, not with anything in mind but just for the sake of it. I had another quiet moment but i wont go into that because i really can't be bothered. It was a good day though, i really enjoyed it.

Work tomorrow and then Andrew Li's for his 19th. Im pretty psyched about it.

Hourglass.

Sometimes i wish i could take everything apart. Not just material objects but people and ways of thinking and ways of life. I wish i could set it all out in front of me and see what makes everything what it really is and what things really mean. Being able to do that would mean i could understand how everything worked and why it did. Its so hard to understand everything sometimes, it's all covered in so many layers that its impossible to work out whats really going on underneath.

Or maybe its the way i work that makes things like that. What if its not that things are complicated at all but instead its my own way of working that just makes it all appear that way. I wish i could even understand that properly.

Im doing it again.

Contemporary.

Well i didn't post in a few days and wow, what a few days its been. hah. It's been one of those weekends where like you head towards it thinking you have an idea of how it's all going to open out & whats going to go on but when you get round to it, some seriously fucked up stuff happens and its all really odd.

Anyway to get into it, Friday night to a point was really good. I went into town with a group of people which was really good and it gave me a chance to catch up with someone i havn't had a chance to speak to much recently which was really honestly nice. Plus it was just enjoyable walking around, besides the stress of christmas shopping, its nice walking about in town with the lights and german market, it's a good atmosphere. After town though, we went back to houses before making a move to the balti house. We had to wait ages for a table but once we sat down it was all good. On the way back i finally had enough courage to spend some better time with a certain person too, i really do like her...alotttttttttttt. But yeah then some chavs fucked everything up by threatening my friend, im really not sure what happened and what was being held, but they apparently were holding a knife to him or something. It was not fun. I ended up ringing my dad because we were so close to my house. So yeah, Friday, besides the obvious parts, was really enjoyable. Just a little on the violent side towards the end.

Last night i went to a girls party, of which was the first party where ive remained sober in a very long time. It was not my turn to be the first to throw up today (SWEET). IT was okay though, i mean i just walked about and talked to people which was nice, and i drank enough just to be sort of 'merry'. It was a good night i guess.

Today i did most of my christmas shopping. It was pretty boring really but its all part of it so whatever. I don't mind really. okayokayokay, should really do some graphics or something like that.

______ For Thrills

Im still in a good place at the moment i think. Well everything is feeling okay and seem to be moving along at a speed i could get used too. Obviously there are still things i feel are left untouched and avoided, which id really rather get into the air and out of the way, but from what i can tell i really can't see that happening anymore. Its a real shame really. Aside from that though, all is good.

I did manage to hunt down some paints in the end, i can't say theres much of a selection of colours but they are still useable - especially as they are just for me to get comfortable with. I really want my drawing to pick up soon though, all these ideas for different things i have in my head are usually hindered by my lack of artistic abilities. You could say im in a state of progression, but it's really quite slow. Still i have alot of motivation now so il just try and keep that, it's coming in very handy right now! As well as my own artistic developments, ive also been following that of others alot recently. I have quite a few websites for some really different and interesting graphic designers which feature a really broad range of styles of art...all of which create an oversized sense of jealousy within. hah. I also picked up a few graphic magazines but i had seen these before and had always wanted to pick one up so i decided it was about time i finally did. It was totally worth the money it cost me.

College work is going alright too i guess. Im not really anymore up to date in my more creative lessons, most of my books are still left empty and lonely, longing to be filled up. I think im going to get quite alot done this week though, if i stick to what i have planned to do and when. Large chance it wont though, its college after all.

I think your lovely.

Die Ausstrahlung von Allure

I have to say this week has been a real mixture of emotions etc for me. I can't believe that its only been a week since this time last week either, i can remember last friday so clearly and yet it feels like it was so long ago. From the start of the week i felt absolutely terrible and just my emotions were sort of jumbled around, then to like wednesday when i just wanted to give up on almost everything, and then to today. Right now i feel really good, better than i have in awhile. I sort of feel like i have a reason to push again.

Today was nice. I spent some time with someone i really really like and its going good. If you could see the smile on my face as i write this up you would be able to tell so easily. Eh, i wont even go into it, i hate sounding like a sad person going on and on.

Im going to apply to Calvin Klein Underwear on sunday i believe, so if you want your 'pouch' measured, i might be your man. Fingers crossed.

Question/Title.

I felt absolutely terrible when i got up this morning. It's honestly been the worst ive felt in god knows how long. I kept thinking i was about to throw up everywhere but whenever i ran to a toilet i just coudn't, it was bad. I think its just down to the lack of sleep and just overall effect on my head the weekend had, it really was a crazy weekend, good fun but got it was heavy.
Im paying for some of it at college with all the comments i guess im going to receive for awhile and luckily i don't mind most of them, i find it all quite funny anyway.

(lost)

But just to ensure this isn't two horribly depressing posts in a row, towards the end of the day i cheered up alot. I felt alot better and just yeah. I liked probably the last parts of lunch etc, they put a smile on my face.

Established.

Forgive any horribly obvious grammatical mistakes in this post, and for anything odd i say. I have had the most full weekend of my life and im on my 40-something hour of no sleep for josh time. It has killed my brain. Plus theres the fact that the things in my head right now are so fucked.

I just came home from Blackpool, a place ive never been before. Its funny how moving slightly up a country, things just change, just all of it. People are very different up there and from what i saw most are also very old too. It was like the Isle of Wight if it wasn't an island. Anyway, i went up there for the funeral of my Aunt Alma Lord, shes not actually my auntie but my family have this weird thing of sticking with those family name tags. I didn't know her that well, just saw her on the family events and meet ups. Of course this didn't mean that i didn't feel sad, it just meant that my emotional attachment was slightly weaker and thus i didn't appear as affected. When i got there though i met her husband Phillip. Ive met him a few times but ive never actually sat and talked to him. The worst part for me was that id never realised that they had been married for 68 years. How do you recover from that? it gets me every single time. Spending that amount of time with someone, such a large part of your life, for them to just not be around? I give him so much respect for how he was handling everything, he was just carrying on with his life in the only way he could. When he cried in front of me was the first time i felt a real rush of sadness, and i know it will sound all pathetic to anyone reading this, but i really did. I kept thinking about my grandad. Right il end this depressing part short, before i and you get emotionally drained.

I don't feel like writing any more. Maybe tomorrow.